Emotional: Emotional Monogamy

[No date]

Q. I had a discussion with friends about emotional monogamy in significant relationships. Comments on the concept, please?

A. We would have to say that the kind of exclusivity implied in this question tends to be most successful when both fragments involved have access to "meaningful" and supportive secondary friendships, so that the entire "weight" of emotional and intellectual stimulus does not rest in one person and one person only. So long as each partner has a reasonably good "backup" system, we would think that maintaining the emotional exclusivity in question would be less arduous and tend to create less resentment than when one fragment is expected to "take up all the slack" for another, and vice versa.

That said, there are of course Overleaves more inclined to support such relationships: Observation, Caution, Perseverance, and Power can in fact sustain the "expectations" of exclusivity far more successfully than Passion or Repression. By making a point of addressing the nature of the Overleaves and in fact "honing" the relationship to support Overleaf compatibilities and strengths, a much higher degree of exclusivity can be maintained without "strain". And of course, Chief Features play a role ­ generally disruptive ­ that cannot be overlooked.

By recognizing and discussing the fears in question, much of the dissatisfactions encountered in relationships of this and other sorts may be lessened and/or avoided. But of course all this requires not only choice but recognition and validation, which is also choice.